FAQs

How do I get a wholesale account?

For all wholesale inquiries, please contact susan@darkartscoffee.co.uk

How do you come up with the coffee names?

A combination of seance, tea-reading and borrowed cool from songs that other people wrote.

Do you blend coffees?

No. There is no quality driven reason to blend two or more coffees together. A blend made up of good coffees will always fall short of the sum of its parts. Because the solubility of each coffee will be different, at least one component will not be reach its full potential. We only buy good coffee that tastes good on its own. So we don’t need to mask anything in a blend. #BadBoys. Oh fuck, that’s not clear that’s a joke. #HashTagBadBoys. Ok, that’s better.

My favourite coffee ran out, you getting more?

Coffee is seasonal. Obviously farms have a finite crop each season, we buy as much as we can sell while it’s still fresh and when it’s gone, it's gone. But, we do often go back to the same coffee the following year. So if there was something you liked, let us know and we'll earmark it for next season. And if there’s something you didn’t like, keep quiet. No one likes a whinger.

Why are you called Dark Arts?

Blah, blah, blah, harry potter coffee, blah, blah, blah, roastery isn’t really a word, blah, blah, blah, didn’t Simon Erl come up with the name? Blah blah blah, never made a business decision sober, blah blah, oh fuck off.

Fuck, you guys are cool!

We know.

I’m a dork, can I come work for free?

No! This is a dork-free safe space. We get a lot of people asking if they can come help out in exchange for seeing how we work. This doesn't sit right with us for a number of reasons. If you work, you should be getting paid. We are a really small team, we are constantly trying to help and develop the team we currently have. So we don't really have the space, time or patience to show someone else the ropes. If you want to work for us and get paid, follow us on instagram and keep an eye out for positions.  

Are beans sent out ground?

No. Coffee flavour comes from soluble compounds in the roasted coffee. These compounds also evaporate over time. Grinding the coffee increases the exposed surface area of the bean. Meaning that these compounds evaporate faster - noticeable decrease in flavour after 24 hours from roasting. We only send out whole bean coffee to make sure what you receive is as tasty as possible. Ok, enough nerd shit, we're too lazy to grind it ourselves. Anyway, coffee grinders are pretty cheap, we sell a good one, and you can find others pretty easily on the internet. Money can be exchanged for goods and services, like a grinder. And if you’re looking for wholesale, there’s a great coffee app called Grindr which has a lot of great coffee appliances on it.

Which works best on mokka/french press/aeropress etc

All our coffees are banging, however you make them. But, if you wanna buy specifically to a brew method, here are a couple of broad brush strokes.

Full emersion brewers, aeropress/french press etc accentuate the body of a coffee - and coffees from Central/South America normally have a great body.

Pour overs show more clarity or acidity of a coffee - and african Coffees are brighter, more fruity and more acidic. I would treat mokka pots like home espresso machines, all of our coffees are great as 'spros so just grab what sounds yum to you.

Worst case scenario, put the beans in an old sock, smash it with your shoe and boil the whole thing up. What’s the worst that can happen?

How does Brad keep his hair so nice?

Brad has a very in-depth beauty routine that allows for 2 hours, 3 times a week on mane maintenance.

He actually has a blog where he shares tips and reviews products, if you’re interested click here Due to a recent high-profile YouTube beef with James Charles, Brad’s vlogging has slowed down, so please give him some encouragement if you see him around East London.

Can you really ride bikes or are you posers?

Posers. 100%

I want stickers, can I get some?

Come into the cafe, when we're open and ask real nice. Or buy something on the online store and we'll throw some in automatically.

How do I get my local cafe to stock you?

Go bug them about it. Tell them what they stock tastes like shit, and that the company sucks. Tell em we're great, nicer, and better looking than their current roastery. Everyone loves that.

When is the cafe open?

The cafe is open Wednesday to Sunday 10am - 4pm. Showing up outside of those hours, be prepared for dirty looks. (Unless you tell Brad that his hair looks pretty and that you can’t wait to see his next hair video on YouTube.)

Is your coffee fair trade?

Fair trade has come under a lot of criticism recently, that's easily googleable. Those issues aside, the quality of coffee that we buy is always specialty grade and is always paid at a premium, well above the price needed to be certified fair trade. Who’s better than us?

What does certification mean? I’ve heard of bird-friendly coffee!?

It is something for people who make shitty coffee to hide behind.

 I thought you guys would be into fucking metal, but all you play at the roasters is shitty hiphop and depressing country.

That’s not really a question.

It’s more of an observation.

And now it’s a conversation. These should be fucking questions. Oh Christ and now this is meta, like some shitty episode of Black Mirror.

I’m in Hayama, an adorable surf town, an hour south of Tokyo. Do you have any suggestions where I should get coffee from?

@DarkArtsCoffeeJapan

What does Colin actually do?

Nothing.

Hang on, how did you get through all these questions and not give Brad shit about street art?

Dead meme.

What a time to be alive! Amirite?

WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!